Vulnerable

I was thinking about this on the way home from Torquay's 1st birthday bash last night:

I dont like feeling vulnerable, it makes me feel weak, which I kinda know is silly, but i guess it is a learned behaviour (they call it a life commandment in counselling terms). The funny thing is though, that i respect vulnerability in others and see it as a good thing, not weakness.

For those of you who may not know, I was not always the size and shape that i am today. For a long time, while I was in school, I was a short, scrawny kid who wore glasses, was a Christian, and didn't just follow the crowd.

As a result of this I got picked on quite a lot while in school. As a method of protection and defence I learnt not to show anything that resembled weakness and vulnerability, because it only seemed to provide more ammunition to the bullies.

Skip forward some 9 years or so to now, and I am much bigger and stronger (both mentally and physically) and far, far more confident in who I am. But, sometimes I still struggle with allowing others to see me vulnerable, I guess that I like to be seen as strong and in control, after being seen as weak in the past.

But last night as I drove home from Torquay, an Hour and a halfs drive with nothing else to really do, I was spending some time chatting with God about some stuff and God kind of challenged me about this.

The book that I am reading at the moment about Youth Leadership talks about letting others see that you are vulnerable too.

As i thought about this, I realised that the way I act and show my emotions also has an influence on what people see and think a Christian should be. I realised that if I show no vulnerability, I am in effect saying that Christians are not allowed to be vulnerable, or sad, or worried, or things like that.

As I processed this God reminded me of Jesus and His life, a life that while at most times showed a man of strength and courage and grace beyond anything ever seen, Jesus was at times vulnerable also. I think of the the example of where Jesus found out that Lazarus was dead and as the shortest verse in the bible records; "Jesus wept." And I think of Garden of Gethsamane, where Jesus cried and begged God to let Him out of what had to be done, and then, understanding the necessity of what was to come, displayed even more vulnerablility in allowing God to be incontrol. And finally, I see Jesus in the most vulnerable position I can think of when He is nailed to the cross for our sins.

As I rediscovered last night, vulnerability is vital to the Christians walk of faith. If our heart does not break when we see people in trouble or despair, then how Christ-like are we really? I'm not saying that we should all be some sort of super-emotional person who walks around crying all the time, just that we shouldn't be cold and disconnected from what is happening around us either.

When was the last time you had your heart broken?